Ep 103: When It's Worth It To Do What Feels Hard

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:

  • How to decide when to do things, even if they feel hard
  • Understanding the greater picture as tied to your goals

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Rock Your Brain. Rock Your Life.

This week I'm celebrating three years of coaching myself and being coached weekly by a handful of amazing coaches.

And this celebration and reflection of the past three years inspired for the podcast this week - figuring out when it's worth doing something even though it feels hard.

We're socially conditioned to go the easy route and lean away from difficulty. In the podcast this week, I'm going to walk you through the steps to understand when it is productive and helpful to decide to do something hard.

It'll be important to ask yourself throughout the decision process:

1. Does it feel hard in a way that feels worthwhile?
2. Is this difficulty tied to a larger goal or vision I have for my life?

If the answers are yes, then doing the hard thing will f*ing pay off in growth and self awareness.

Learn more about my corporate coaching course The Rockstar Program. 

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Tag me @sarahlmoody

You got this, rockstar.

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Download Full Episode Transcript

Welcome to Rock Your Brain. Rock Your Life. Hi, I'm Sarah. And after decades of frantically overworking, never believing I could have what I really wanted in my life and feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and burnt out daily -I finally figured life out. I learned how to feel confident. I reclaimed work life balance and I've created a life I'm totally in love with. So if you're a high achiever with a team that's struggling with burnout and your mission is to help them grow as humans and retain this badass team this podcast is just for you. I keep it simple. You'll learn the neuroscience based cognitive tools. I and my students use daily to create that reality. You're gonna run the risk of being passionately in love with your life and career again, just by listening to this podcast. All right, let's go. 

Okay, Rockstars. I am so excited to talk to you today about when it's worth it to do what feels hard. So I'm celebrating my three years of coaching myself and having a few coaches I work with weekly, and this is the basis for the inspiration for this podcast. So when is it worth it to do what feels hard? When I think back over to my decision three years ago, today to decide to start coaching myself and hire a few coaches. Let me tell you, man, it's been a journey. A lot of it's felt really, really hard. And I think now I'm going through a honeymoon period where it just feels kind of magical and easy. Not all the time. But what's interesting is, you know, when I think about the conditioning, like the story were all led to believe. Like between social media and like a lot of the, you know, psychology and self-help stuff that we learn from books and TV. There's this story that, you know, things that we want in life should come easy to us. I used to believe this and that it shouldn't be a struggle. And that, that if something or someone you know, kind of like, like, it feels hard to get something, or it feels hard to be in a relationship with someone or like challenging feelings come up, then it's not the right fit or there's, you know, something toxic with them. And I totally disagree with this story with this conditioning out there. And so exactly whether it's like you know, a romantic relationship, like most of you now I'm back out there dating again. 

Or when you think about your career or family members or a goal you've set for yourself, the real honest truth y'all is that growing and personal development does not always feel good, which is why most people don't do the. And so how do we know when it makes sense to do what feels hard? That's what we're gonna talk about today. And so you're gonna hear my thoughts on when I believe, you know, what I teach is thought work. And when I believe thought work is worthwhile and is a value and when it isn't. I'm gonna give you some questions that I ask myself that help me decide when it's worth it to do what feels hard. And this could be around, you know, your romantic life. It could be around your career. It could be around building an exercise routine, you know, anything in your life. And if you think back to more narratives and more stories as well. 

You know, so much of the story out there is, you know, at the start of your new career, at the start of this new relationship, at the start of this new exercise routine, it feels easy and fun and amazing. And then, you know, 30, 60, 90, a year in it's hard and stressful and boring. And what I teach is if you've got crappy thoughts, you're gonna feel crappy, right? That's just your unmanaged brain. Remember your thoughts are the only reason you're creating any crappy reality. If you've got a shitty relationship, a lot of it could be tied back to your thoughts. But we're conditioned to believe in this kind of easy breezy world we live in where everything's easy breezy that if the job or relationship or exercise routine that you kind of picked feels hard and difficult, it's not the right fit. I just mentioned earlier. I think it's a lie. If it is easy breezy at the start of your career or the relationship, that's great, but it's not always that way. And I think so often what we do is, is if it's not easy breezy at the start we hit the eject button. We boot the person out of our lives.

We leave the relationship. We start thinking about another, you know, role inside the company. We have buyers or career remorse, but what I'm gonna offer to you is oftentimes all that really means is these thoughts that are coming up where you're feeling crappy, is just an opportunity to grow. And when you grow, you start being able to look at yourself with a lot of clarity and a lot of honesty and a lot of vulnerability. And you know, when I think about this stuff, you know, I've been doing this now for three years. It feels easy now, but don't get me wrong. It wasn't always easy. It was hard when I first started this journey. Of coaching myself. There was a lot of things that had not resolved around my confidence in myself, my belief in myself, my self-esteem and I had to really get curious and wanna grow, but that could be, you know, so that's just me thinking about three years, but think about yourself. Maybe you want to start a new career or get a promotion or, you know, just get that consistent exercise program going, or even have some work life balance. Like those things are areas to grow, right? And if you've had say a complicated family growing up, you might have some intimacy issues when it comes up, when you kind of think about dating, you know, I know I've definitely had to do some work in that area. Intimacy issues have come up in romance. Or even if you've had some complications in your family, like, you know, issues could come up in terms of building friendships.

You've noticed that, you know, you haven't had a lot of belief in yourself or feel worthy of things that you truly desire, maybe even just saying, no, it works. You could have work life balance or going after that promotion, you know, all this can just, all those things can bring up another opportunity for brain drama and thought stories. And so I just want you to notice. That, this idea that if it's meant for you, it will feel easy. And if it feels like a struggle, it's not the right fit. It's just a big fat lie. If I hadn't been willing to struggle and do something difficult three years ago, I started to coach myself and hire my coaches. I wouldn't have completely done a 180 in my life and have a life now that I'm so passionately in love with. So just notice that there could be a tendency to have also two working hard or growing and evolving as a badge of honor. To think that only the hardest things are the most worthwhile. So I want you to also notice that too, cuz it's not that easy. For example, I had a very abusive stepmother and so doing thought work would not be a good idea to deal with her difficulties and her challenges. Like that would not be a good use of thought work, right? Like that would be like an exhausting, challenging, unuseful way to do thought work.

So really what you have to learn, how to do is to decide when something is hard because you wanna grow and evolve and heal or face something your brain doesn't wanna look at. Or not, is it not a good use of learning and growing? Like in this case of my, you know, abusive stepmother. And our brain loves things to be black and white, our brain, having it think things through clearly and move into some level of gray is very difficult for brains. So brains want it to be easy street or they want it to be all hard, all difficult, all day long. That's the value. I wanna wanna, and what I wanna offer to you today is there's a lot of gray that when you can decide that you're gonna do X, because you're gonna grow, evolve, heal, or deal with something you've never dealt before. That's a great thing. Versus deciding that you wanna do something hard because of. Fear or scarcity or, you know, living in a state of lack is not a good idea to go and do something hard. So the only thing you can really do is ask yourself why do you wanna do the work and stay with what feels hard? What's in it for you? Why is it worth it or not worth it to go through the discomfort of whatever the work is like for me, you know, learning how to coach myself, the discomfort of whatever the job is, the discomfort of being in the relationship with that person. The discomfort of the situation, whatever that discomfort is, that's coming up for you. I want you to think about the bigger picture vision that you have for your life and think about what's in it for you, as it ties into that big picture vision for your life. We can stick with things that are hard and painful, where we're not really growing or learning. Right because we're afraid. We're insecure. I used to stay in relationships and not grow because I had a lot of insecurities. And so like, for example, say you're in a job that you don't enjoy. I have a client right now who was in a job that she hated. And she didn't really care about the work and her boss used to scream at her all the time. Yell, scream, get into arguments. And she wasn't really passionate about her world of work. That might not be something. A scenario where you want to do thought work, where you want to grow yourself and evolve, right. It doesn't sound like the best space environment for you to decide to do something hard. So that's an example of maybe you want, maybe you don't wanna do something hard there. Kinda like what I shared earlier about me and my stepmother. So what I want you to think about is. How to use thought work to get us through something challenging that aligns with our values and things we care about and not to use thought work because of fear, insecurity and doubt in scarcity. So. I love being in romantic relationships because they bring up a lot of stuff for me to work on. A lot of my insecurities, a lot of my self doubts, a lot of my I'm not good enough. So I have to really shift belief in myself there. And what I love about when we do decide to do hard things and learn and grow is how much you can learn about yourself. Yeah, it's gonna feel terrible at times, but if you're mostly discovering and learning and processing negative feelings, as you grow, that's hard, but you're growing so much belief in yourself. That's the kind of work that I wanna offer that you think about doing. So what I want you to think about is.

Why do I wanna go through this challenge, this hard thing, and then what is challenging me about it? And am I being challenged so I learned something new about myself that I didn't realize or understand. Or maybe I'm just creating a new level of awareness of myself that I've never known before. So I want you to think about what's your goal and then how does that align with your values? And do you wanna do these hard things from a place of insecurity or feeling scared or worried about what people think. Or do you wanna do these hard things from a desire that feels aligned with the person I wanna be and what my values are like I wanted to be three years ago, I wanted to be a person who loved their life and felt totally fulfilled and had work life balance and had this big delicious life. That's why I wanted to do these hard things. So it's never black and white as this should feel easy or it shouldn't feel hard or everything should be hard. It's none of those things. So it's just important to understand that if you tell yourself, I just want something that feels easy. You're not like that client who I met with earlier, who said, I just want it all feel easy. You're not asking yourself great questions. So the question is, does it feel hard in a way that is worthwhile? That's important. That's tied to what I value.

That's tied to the bigger goal of who I am and what I'm trying to achieve with my life. If it is, then it's a really good thing for you to effing do. Just remember all of our, you know, anything we want for our life is just stuff we just need to think and believe about, and then we're gonna go make it happen. Right. So when you ask yourself these questions, there's always gonna be a place for you to grow and create amazing results in your life. If you do the hard things that get you to your goals and your dreams, and you understand your why, like why you're doing that, why you're doing these things versus are you doing these things from a lack of belief in yourself? Are you staying in that relationship because you don't believe that there's a man out there for you? Are you staying in your career because you're living in some lack there you're staying in your career with a boss who, you know, is always yelling at people. So what's your, why, what are your values? And use those as the construct to decide whether it's worth it to do the hard things. So keep these things in mind, and just like how I coached my client early this week, please do not believe all the narrative and stories out there that what's right for you will feel easy. And that if something feels hard, just give it a hard pass. Ask yourself. Am I doing something hard so I can learn and grow and align with my future vision of myself, with who I wanna be. Those are the types of questions to ask yourself. Okay. All right. My friends have a beautiful rest of your day and I'll talk to you next week. 

If you're loving what you're learning in the podcast, you have to come and check out the rockstar program. It's my coaching program, where we take these neuroscience based cognitive tools and we use them daily to break through burnout so you can fall passionately in love with your life and your career again. So join me over at Sarah moody.com/rockstar program. I would love to have you join me. You can also follow me at Sarah L moody on LinkedIn, Twitter, and Instagram. I can't wait to see you.


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