Ep 112: Greatest Hits: How to Trust Yourself
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
There’s a lot of uncertainty in the world with mid- term elections around the corner, the challenged global economy, and so much more.
Feeling calm and capable in uncertainty is a skill, and it starts with learning how to trust yourself.
When you feel in your body that you trust yourself, which may look like going to the gym or honoring a date with a friend even if you don’t want to, you are practicing the skill of trusting yourself.
Trusting yourself is honoring your word to yourself. It is learning how to break down the beliefs that your kids, your partner, your company take priority over you.
You are learning how to make yourself #1.
When you honor your word to yourself, you’ll be equipped to feel calm in the midst of uncertainty whether it’s out in the world, in relationships, your career, anywhere!
Would you believe me if I told you that when you trust yourself, your desires in life become possible?
Trust is the firm belief in the reliability, truth, and ability of someone or something. So if you trust yourself, then you know you're able to achieve your desires.
In this episode, I'll share some examples of what life looks like when we don't have self-trust.
Then, I'll share 3 basic tools to build trust in ourselves:
1. Make conscious decisions that serve you
2. Know your 'why' (and like it!)
3. Having your own back (no sh*t talking yourself!)
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Welcome to Rock Your Brain. Rock Your Life. The only podcast hosted by a high achieving tech, entrepreneur and certified coach that teaches you how to use proven cognitive tools to rewire your brain and break through the second pandemic. Burnout if you lead a company or badass team and need a proven, evidence based cognitive course to retain and develop them, this podcast is for you.
Sarah helps humans break through burnout, have insane work-life balance, and feel magical at work and in their lives. Again, here's your host, certified coach and tech industry entrepreneur, Sarah Moody.
Hey, Rockstars. How y'all doing this week? So first of all, I'm excited to invite you to join me on June 7th, online at the Woman Tech Global Conference.
And I'm doing a session. So if you, if you notice lots of procrastination, it's difficult to find work life balance in your life. I invite you to come to this session, it's really gonna help you, and if you're a team leader, especially, you can help your team change your mindset around, you know, working hard is a badge of honor.
Working long is a badge of honor. So I really wanna help you shift your mindset in those areas, 'cause those are directly correlated to not having balance in your life and procrastinating on projects. So go to sarahmoody.com, you'll find the events button, click on that and you can register there. And for those of you that have reviewed the podcast, thank you so much.
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All right, so this week we are gonna talk about how to trust yourself. And why is that important?
Because when you learn how to trust yourself and showing up for yourself, literally, anything you desire and want for your life can happen. Everything starts with a foundation of trusting yourself. So I have so many examples I'm gonna share with you around me learning to trust myself. I'm gonna give you a great example of one of my students and how she's totally learned how to trust herself and how that's completely changed her life.
So first let's go to trust and what does it mean? So of course I went to Google. Trust is the firm belief in the reliability, truth and ability of someone or something. So for self-trust, it's the firm belief in the reliability, truth, and ability of myself, right? Or yourself. So I'll just repeat that. Trust is the firm belief in the reliability, truth, and ability of yourself.
So one of my teachers is Don Miguel Ruiz, who wrote the book, The Four Agreements. And this book reveals the source of our self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create a shitload of suffering. Okay. I read it four years ago when I found it to be a very, very powerful code of conduct that rapidly transformed my life to a new experience of freedom and happiness and love.
And most of my students now read it. And one of the four agreements is be impeccable with your word. Oh, by the way, Because, you know, I love thought work, art. So my screen saver for a year, all of 2018 was the four agreements. So I could look at the four agreements every single day.
It's amazing. Totally changed my experience.
So being impeccable with your word. That's one of the four agreements, and this is be impeccable with your word to yourself. So if you say you're gonna do something, you do it. Or if you say you're not gonna do something, you don't do it. And be impeccable with your word to others.
Okay? So be honest, impeccable with your word to others. The other thing that this agreement means is avoid using words against yourself, which I just love because this is what I teach as a coach. No shit talking yourself, no self criticizing, no trash talking, no. Do not use words against yourself and really use words to offer love.
And feel love and give love and receive love. And so, you know, really the agreement is about not using words to cause fear or pain in yourself or another. How simple is that? So be impeccable with your word. That's what that means according to Don Miguel Ruiz. And I'll give you the other three agreements just in case you wanna know them.
Number two is don't make assumptions, which is just brilliant. Number three is don't take anything personally. This one, y'all, changed my life cuz I used to take everything personally. Now I take nothing personally. And number four is always do your best. I mean, imagine if you showed up every day and you believed and felt in your body that you did your best.
You wouldn't trash talk yourself, right? So all four of these agreements are interrelated and all support each other, and I highly recommend reading the book. Okay? So learning how to trust yourself is about showing up for yourself and trusting you can create all parts of your life you desire and dream of.
And no rolling of your eyes and being like, oh my God, what are you talking about? There's no way. I have so many dreams and desires that there's no way I can get there. You can just notice the resistance. Okay? You can have the amount of money you want, you can have the relationships you want at work, and personally, you can have the career you want.
And you can learn how to trust what you eat. You can learn how to trust how much alcohol you decide to drink if you do drink. So everything is about learning how to trust yourself and how you show up in all parts of your life, because so many of you don't trust yourself. You're living with a lot of shame, which comes from the trash talking of yourself, guilt, and judgment of yourself and.
So I wanna teach you how to drop the guilt, shame, and judgment of yourself and of others. Okay? So first, let's take a look at three ways your life can look like when you don't trust yourself, let's start with when you don't trust yourself. This might be some clues to you. Number one, of course, you say you'll do something and you don't.
Or you say you won't do something and you end up doing it, and so saying you'll do something for yourself or for another and you don't is one clue or saying you won't do something for yourself and for another, and you end up doing it. That's another example. Here is a clue that trust with yourself was broken.
It wasn't a conscious decision to do or not to do that thing. This is really important. My friends, self-trust is broken when it's not a conscious decision to do or not do something. So I'll give you an example. So for me, for a decade, I knew that drinking was. Me showing up being my best self, and most nights a week for 10 years, I would say I'm not gonna drink, and then I would end up drinking.
And so that is unconscious. I just did it right. I said I would do something for myself and I didn't do it. And so for that decade, I was not building truth, and I did not trust myself at all. And then this would show up in all kinds of other ways in my life as well. And so what do you say you wanna do or not do?
And you do it anyway, or you don't do it where it's not a conscious decision. Another example is I would actually let me share one of my students examples. Another example is one of my students knew that she had celiac, which is this, disease where you are gluten or wheat intolerant. And she would consistently go out to meals with friends, and because she didn't wanna draw attention to herself, she would plan on going out to these meals and these things or these parties and not eating anything with gluten in it because it's really bad for your health when you have Celiac.
But she would do it anyway. And so she didn't trust herself that she could go to these parties, go out to dinner and not finding herself eating the bread or a slice of cake or something that had gluten in it, and then she would feel like absolute garbage the following day and it would last for days and then it would impact how she showed up at work and she'd have to take some days off.
It really impacted all parts of her life work, her relationship with her partner because she didn't know how to trust herself, that she could make a decision not to eat gluten and not eat gluten. Just trust that she would show up for herself. So the second way. The second clue that you're not trusting yourself is, is that you're not being intentional about why you wanna do something.
You're not clear on your why, like, why you wanna do or not do something. So, for example, for me, I wasn't really clear like, let's go to me and drinking. I wasn't really clear on my why, like, why I didn't, why drinking was not a good thing for me. Really what my brain focused on is you better keep drinking or your friends are gonna leave.
And so, because I wasn't clear on my why when I went out, you know, next thing you knew I was drinking again because my student wasn't clear on her why around gluten. She wasn't clear on the fact that. She deserved to feel healthy, like she deserved to show up at work and feel great. She, she just deserved to feel fucking great, right?
She wasn't clear on her why and her long term health, like, why you wanna not eat gluten is you wanna show up and feel great the next day. You want to live till you're a hundred. So you're getting really clear on your why, like why do you wanna do or not do something? So being intentional or not being intentional is really.
And then the third is when you don't trust yourself, you should talk yourself.
You use words against yourself. That whole inner critic should show. Why did I drink last night? Why did I eat gluten last night? I'm so lazy. I have no willpower. I'm such a loser. I can't believe I did that again. All that is a clue. All that shit talk is a clue that you don't trust yourself. So this is one of my students, quote
she just graduated. She's been with me for the last six months, another kind of high achieving woman in tech. And I just, I love, I always do at the end of our time together, like we do a session on all the results they've created in their lives. So all my students leave with like really clear ways that their whole life has changed and she started our session with you know,
I knew how I was showing up at work wasn't sustainable, and I felt completely out of control. And she said, You know, coaching with you has shifted how I navigate my life. I can now trust myself and my desires. I now have a feeling of confidence and freedom that I didn't know was possible. So my student, I mean that just,
like she did the work to get to this place. She learned how to trust herself in all parts of her life. For example, you know, at at work she really. She had this mindset about herself that she was like, you know, the assistant, the, you know, girl who would get coffee, not the thought leader with expertise about the business.
So she really changed her beliefs in herself and trusted that she could change her beliefs to get to that place in six months, where she really felt like the thought leader with expertise about the business Another way that she built trust in herself is she is, you know, she's pretty healthy and loves to exercise, but what would happen is her brain would have this story like, you know, you need to do more work.
And so work her, her brain had a story that works more important than exercise, but what she was able to do was, build up a practice of trusting herself that, yeah, exercising five days a week, that routine is really important for me, showing up for myself. I trust that I will do that, and that work is not gonna get in the way.
Another way that she learned how to trust herself was just going to, she just explained, you know, like she's got these very, social neighbors and there's always lots of, you know, sugary foods and alcohol and things that don't make her body feel good. And so she learned through our coaching together to show up where she knew what she would eat, what she would drink, she would trust herself.
To eat and drink things that made her feel great and she could have a good time. So she learned that skill of. I trust my desires. I trust I will make good choices. I trust that when I leave the party, I'm gonna feel great about myself. I'm not gonna go down a path that's gonna lead me feeling like shit.
And we talked about how you. How her building self trust got her to this place at work where she was no longer on Zoom calls to seek validation from others that she's worthy. She's like, I just bring my confidence self to work. I've just gone from no confidence to confidence, so she was really clear on how her building trust in herself helped her show up at work. You know
then she talked about how, you know, she's just kind to herself. She sees what's unique about her. She honors her morning routine for exercise and doing thought work and eating well. So she really has built this relationship with herself where she talks to herself in this beautiful kind way. And you know her why is she wants to show up for her goals and dreams, and so she knows that if she's kind to herself and loving and honors exercise, thought work, healthy eating and drinking, like that's gonna be fuel for her goals and dreams. And then she talked about how, you know, her learning how to build trust in herself and her desires has really helped her feel like this calmness and this worthiness in her marriage.
She doesn't take what he says personally. She trusts that everything, you know, he says that may kind of before she would've taken personally is not about her. And so she can hold because she trusts herself. She holds a space for him and is able to feel really connected in her marriage from this place of trusting herself.
So I wanna give you three simple tools that you can start using today to build trust in yourself. Okay.
Number one, make decisions that serve. The decisions. I mean, I've given you some really simple examples, decisions, you know, for me around drinking or not drinking decisions around, you know, how you show up at work.
So decisions about how you show up in your relationship. Decisions about all parts of your life and notice if you're doing any people pleasing so that someone will like you, or that you've made a decision so someone else thinks because someone else thinks you should make that decision. I want you to make decisions that serve you like me and drinking my student in all parts of her life.
So your decisions. And then get really clear about your reasons and your why. The more you can know your why; for why you show up and do all the things that you do. So if it's something as simple as exercise and your why is, you know, I exercise five times a day and my why is I love the endorphins and the dopamine and the super fit body and I love feeling strong.
Right? That, and I wanna live till I'm a hundred. That's your why. Okay? So everything in life, How you show up in a relationship, exercise what you eat and drink, how you show up at work, what's your why, what you desire, what are all your why's, that's so liking, your reasons, your why is so important.
And then number three is having your back. No criticizing and being mean to yourself. No shit. Talk. And you know what, y'all, a year ago I made a decision about this too. I made a decision that I am not going to criticize and be mean to myself ever again. And trust me, we all have a human brain. So I notice my brain going to that place of.
Oh, you should have done this. Or maybe if you'd done this differently, like it would've resulted differently. And then I just stopped my brain and I'm like, Listen, I love you brain, but all of that shit talk is gonna make me, I'm judging myself and I'm gonna feel shame. And when you judge and yourself and feel shame, like what do you do?
You wanna crawl in a hole, right? You wanna like, like not go do the thing. So judging and shit talking yourself is a decision. Having your back and not criticizing and being mean to yourself is a decision. And what are your reasons for having your back and not criticizing yourself? For me, my reasons are shame and judgment only shuts me down, makes me feel like shit.
Curiosity, love, compassion. Those feelings make me want to go do shit, right? So three tools to build self trust. Make decisions that serve you. Make conscious decisions that serve you, okay? Like your reasons, your why. Number three. No shit talking. Have your back. Do not criticize yourself. Be mean to yourself, okay?
All right. I cannot wait to see you online on June 7th at the Woman Tech Global Conference where I will help you stop procrastinating, get some balance in your life. If you're feeling out of balance, go to sarahmoody.com, hit the events button, and I can't wait to see you. Have a beautiful rest of your day, and I will talk to you next week.
All right. I love.
If you're loving what you're learning in the podcast, you have to come and check out the Rockstar Program. It's my coaching program where we take these neuroscience based cognitive tools and we use them daily to break through burnout so you can fall passionately in love with your life and your career again.
So join me over at sarahmoody.com/rockstarprogram. I would love to have you join me. You can also follow me at Sarah L. Moody on LinkedIn, Twitter, and Instagram. I can't wait to see you.
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