Ep 118: You Can Be A Big F*ing Deal If…
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
There are times in our lives and businesses where making decisions feels really hard or scary. You might notice yourself procrastinating, buffering with mindless eating, or otherwise distracting yourself instead of focusing on the decision at hand.
This happens because so often we tell ourselves that thereʻs a right or wrong and we are worried about what this decision will mean about us if we make the “wrong” one.
Itʻs because you lack the belief and confidence you need in yourself to be willing to be wrong.
In this episode, Iʻll teach you about making decisions- even when itʻs hard- and how to have your own back no matter the outcome. Iʻll also give you tools to help you along the way.
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You got this, rockstar.
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Welcome to Rock Your Brain. Rock Your Life. The only podcast hosted by a high achieving tech entrepreneur and certified coach that teaches you how to use proven cognitive tools to rewire your brain and break through the second pandemic, burnout. If you lead a company or badass team and need a proven, evidence based cognitive course to retain and develop them, this podcast is for you.
Sarah helps humans break through burnout, have insane work life balance, and feel magical at work and in their lives again. Here's your host, certified coach and tech industry entrepreneur, Sarah Moody.
Hey, Rockstars. How are you all doing this week? So excited to be talking to you about how you can be a big f-ing deal in your life if you agree to do one thing. So I love that I get to work with a bunch of high achievers who have big goals and dreams. Present company, yes, your coach me included. I love this idea of being a really big effing deal and being of service to my clients and being a vessel and a channel that helps them change their lives, that gets me so fired up.
So you can be a really big effing deal in your life if you're willing to try new things and get it wrong. That's it. When you are willing to be wrong about a decision you make, you can use the data to learn, iterate, and know you're one step closer to what you want. So I like to think in terms of, there's no right or wrong, but here's where some of my thinking has evolved.
So up until now, I always thought everything that happens in my life happens to serve me. It happens for me. There's no right or wrong. What can I do to learn and grow from this thing that I created that didn't quite work? Like maybe I made a coaching offer out to my clients and no one bought it.
So there's no right or wrong. What can I learn from there? Was the messaging wrong? Was the pricing wrong? What do I need to learn and grow to create a different result? So, whether it's work or a romantic relationship that ends, I always think, okay, I grew so much in that relationship.
I grew in my belief in myself, and I changed who I am, and I learned when it ended, you know, I learned more things about myself around what I want in the next romantic relationship. I learned how to pay attention to my gut when my little gut says, mm, this doesn't feel quite right. So I love thinking of everything I decide to do creates a result, and that result always happens to serve me.
I'm working with one of my clients right now, and she has just left one of the big five tech companies, gone to a startup, has a completely different role and, reports to the CEO and, she's made all these decisions and decisions are what help you move your life forward and they're gonna create a certain reality and result in your life.
And so, as she's landed in this new career, all this self doubt has come up, right? And which happens when you do something new. But where can she learn from this? Where can she double down in her belief in herself? What sentences can she put in her brain? Like, I'm open to believing I'm right where I'm supposed to be and I love myself, and I'm gonna learn and become, a master in this field.
I love just noticing decisions, making decisions, learning from decisions, growing, iterating who you are, and knowing that you're one step closer to what you want. I remember when my romantic relationship that I was in earlier in the year ended at the end of March of this year, I learned so much, and if anyone wants to go deep on what I learned, just go find the podcasts that I made earlier this year, all about heartbreak.
And I knew that when that ended, that relationship ended. I was one step closer to what I want. And yes, I now have an amazing romantic relationship, an amazing human in my life. I learned so much from that prior relationship because I did a lot of belief work this summer around feeling and believing and knowing what I want in my romantic relationship.
My client did a lot of work around her new career and leaving the big five tech company to go to the startup, and so she did a lot of work in terms of building up belief in herself. What I've noticed in some of my clients is when you have not built up a lot of belief in a part of yourself, you find yourself struggling to make a decision around what to do and you notice two things; number one, you're procrastinating a lot on the topic and not making a decision. And number two, you're buffering with mindless eating or drinking. And the reason why you're procrastinating and buffering is because it feels like there's a lot of vulnerability, like who you are is on the line, right?
And so there's a fear of judgment, because you feel unsafe and scared because there's so much vulnerability around this topic. There's so much of who you are coming out into the open and being judged that you think is on the line.
So for example, with my client who changed companies and got this promotion and took on a brand new role in a brand new industry, at first when she took the new job, there was a lot of procrastinating. There was a lot of mindless eating because there was a lot of feeling unsafe and scared, and a lot of fear of judgment that she was not equipped, she was not doing a good job. She was not the right person for the role. A lot of imposter syndrome thinking came up and for me, I've noticed I've been procrastinating around who I'm gonna market my coaching business to.
And so for both of us, there's a lot of vulnerability because it's like who we are is on the line. There's some fear of judgment, right? You feel unsafe and scared, and so when you notice procrastination, you notice buffering, it's an opportunity for you to get curious. Just get curious, what is going on in my brain right now?
How am I feeling? How are you feeling? That's the question to ask yourself, because when you've not built up a lot of belief in a part of your life, you end up thinking, I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to do romantic relationships, or, I'm not that good at figuring out this new part of my role as a marketing leader reporting to the CEO.
So you feel unsafe because you think so much of who you are is on the line and you're fearing judgment; you have a thought, “I need to get it right, or I'll be judged and criticized”, and when you have a thought or a belief that you need to get it right, you're gonna be screwed.
Because guess what? Half the time as humans, we get it wrong. So I want you to ask yourself the question, “whose voice is judging and criticizing you right now?” because it's not yours. Whose voice judged and criticized you as a kid? For me, you've heard this before in prior podcasts, it was my stepmother; whose voice do you need to dethrone?
The exercise is for you to move towards yourself. Your brain's gonna go to, “but I don't know how to do SEO optimization in my new role as chief marketing officer”. You start worrying about the how. Don't worry about the how yet. Step one is I want you to feel and acknowledge that you're feeling unsafe and you're feeling scared.
You're scared of judgment. That's okay. This is natural that you're feeling this way. Remember, we're all humans and we've all been wired to feel unsafe when it comes to judgment, because then you're gonna get kicked out of the pack, and that goes back to the sabertooth tiger days. So I want you to have love and compassion, move towards yourself and start talking to yourself with some reassurance like, Hey, hey, I got you.
Validation that I'm feeling scared and safe. Acknowledgement that I'm feeling scared and safe. Talk to yourself lovingly. Give yourself lots of love and compassion and really start seeing that sentence in your brain that you don't know, or you gotta get it right, or you gotta figure it out, or you'll never figure it out is actually a lie.
And the more you can give yourself love and compassion and talk to yourself and acknowledge the fact that you feel fear and scared, then you'll start feeling safe.
And what I've been doing is in parts of my life where there's a lot of vulnerability and a lot of who I am is on the line, I borrow belief, and this is what I teach all of my clients to do. Where in your life have you trusted yourself, trusted your knowing, and created a reality in your life that is exactly what you wanted?
For example, I have an amazing romantic relationship in my life. I'm in a committed partnership. I created that reality for my life two months ago, and that was a tough thing for me to really feel, that I could really find a man that I was gonna be so in love with, that I just felt was so aligned in my values and who I am and what I want. And so seeing that through the power of changing my mindset over the summer after my heartbreak, I was able to create this reality.
This fall, I'm now borrowing belief that I can do this. So I want you to go find parts of your life and borrow the belief that you can feel the scared, feel the fear. Notice where procrastinating and buffering around something in your life and move through that. You don't need snacks and mindless eating.
You don't need endless excuses and lies to yourself while you're not getting it done. Also known as procrastination. Those are not the things that you need, they are not serving you. These are just ways that you're avoiding having love and compassion and acceptance of feeling fear- and feeling scared is never ever gonna go away, ever.
I love Elizabeth Gilbert and the book Big Magic; in it she talks about how Fear is her co-pilot. It just sits in the seat right next to her. It doesn't navigate, it doesn't have its hands on the steering wheel, it's not hitting the navigate button. It can't talk, but it's always there. So I've decided on a bunch of sentences that I'm putting in my brain every day when I feel scared so that I can show up fully and be a big effing deal.
This is what my clients are doing as well, so I'm gonna share three sentences with you, three beliefs; I encourage you to try each of them on and see what feels believable to you or come up with your own.
So one of the sentence is: I trusted myself in my gut in creating a romantic relationship in this part of my life, and I nailed it.
Another sentence is: I'm willing to get it wrong, to be a really big effing deal and be of service to my clients, as many of you know, who've been listening to me for a while; my heart is to be of service. I love each and every one of you.
And the third sentence is: I trust what I desire to make my life, my work, my romance, being a parent, etc. feel easy and fun. You've heard me say this before, your desires are the blueprint for your life. So a sentence is, I trust what I desire to make my life feel easy, and fun is gonna be the right desire.
All right my friends. I hope you have a beautiful rest of your day and week. I love you so much and yes, you are no different than all the other humans out there that you admire and you think they're a really big effing deal. You too are already a big effing deal, and I want you to see that and I want you to honor that, and I want you to act in that way and show up for your badass self.
All right. I love you. Bye.
If you're loving what you're learning in the podcast, you have to come and check out the Rockstar Program. It's my coaching program where we take these neuroscience based cognitive tools and we use them daily to break through burnout so you can fall passionately in love with your life and your career again.
So join me over at SarahMoody.com/rockstarprogram I would love to have you join me.
You can also follow me @sarahmoody on LinkedIn, Twitter, and Instagram. I can't wait to see you.
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