Ep 97: Break Through Burnout Part 3 |
Magical Work/Life Balance
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
Today's episode is all about reconnecting with or creating for the first time, what you want your life to look like - outside of work.
We've been socialized look externally to understand who we are. But this gets us stuck in an identity that might not always serve us. Like, "I'm a CEO" or "I'm an entrepreneur."
Now don't get me wrong. Those are awesome things to be... but it's time to disconnect our identity from that and create an identity that feels exciting. This, my friends, will bring us some magic to our life and help us reprioritize how we spend our time.
I'll walk you through 10 questions to get to your true essence.
(^ yes that last question is asked four times, trust me it will really help you get to the root of your identity.)
Next we'll create your "Operation Live the Dream."
You'll uncover, when you are plugged into your true essence, what it feels like in your body.
And from that point how to follow your desires, cravings, and yearnings.
As you do this practice, come back to your body. Listen to what your body is telling you about what you desire and what you want to bring into your life.
Once you’ve found that essence, visualize yourself at age 90 and ask yourself - what would you regret that you had not done in your life.
And write, explore, get to know what your life outside of work can look like for you.
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Tag me @sarahlmoody
You got this, rockstar.
Maren Hurley-Matz: Welcome to rock your brain, rock your life. If you're a woman in tech, who's tired of feeling like you're not enough. Not smart enough, not fit enough, not productive enough. Then this is the podcast for you. You'll learn the cognitive tools and proven playbooks you need to take your confidence from zero to 100, it's time to break up with not enough for good. Here's your host certified coach and tech entrepreneur: Sarah Moody.
Sarah Moody: This week, we are gonna continue the breakthrough burnout series. This is part three. This is how to build a magical life where there's balance between work and play, and [00:01:00] everything in your life. So for those of you who have been listening to the podcast for a while, thank you so much for your reviews. If you are loving the podcast and getting things out of it, thank you so much for leaving me a review. Your reviews, absolutely help others find these tools. So, I've already done two parts around breaking through burnout. Part one was how to break through burnout. And I've given you two tools there. And then part two, which is episode, 96, how to say no at work and still be trusted, respected, admired, and not seen as that problem team member.
So you can always start with those two first, before you dive into this one. So I'm gonna go through today, two skills that you can use to start to build an amazing life and start to have balance between work and everything else outside of work. And [00:02:00] I'm gonna teach you some skills around when to turn, work off, like maybe you struggle in the evenings and the weekends, you know, with turning off work. If you're anything like me, I didn't even know what to do when I wasn't working or hanging out with friends. I, I was like at a loss. So that can be a part of building this skill as well.
Like what, well, what do I do when I'm not working? So the first. Part of the scale that we're gonna look at. So there's two parts. One is really getting clear around who you are, like who are you as a human being? And if you've been listening to my podcast for a while, you know, that a lot of my journey has been, I started answering that question before I met my coach with the socialized identity that I have.
And most of us do this, right? We are a CEO, we're a product [00:03:00] manager, a product marketing manager. We answer that question with I'm a customer experience leader. I'm a sales manager, I'm a doctor, I'm a lawyer, I'm a CFO. Right? All those socialized identities and limits that we have come up to believe is who we are.
And with those socialized identities becomes like a whole set of prescribed acceptable ways of being and talking. So all these prescribed acceptable behaviors like would that persona. So, for example, you know, if you're a CEO, you then need to think that you need to act a certain way and be a thought leader and perform, you know, in certain ways and always be a leader and, always be inspiring and have your shit together and have the right answers. And. So there can be a [00:04:00] lot of, you know, ways that you need to be around that identity that we've prescribed that is connected to the external. So. When we answer that question of who am I with? I'm an entrepreneur or I'm a CEO, or I'm a doctor you're relying on the external, you're an external role to define you.
And what I'm gonna offer to you today is, to build more resilience inside and really start building a life that's big. That's magical that you love and having balance. You really have to build a deeper identity with yourself and connection with yourself that has nothing to do with the external world.
So, if you think about it, if you identify yourself as like, you know, work first, I'm a product marketing manager. When the shit falls apart, or life [00:05:00] gets hard with work or anything else, you're not grounded in your true identity, regardless of the things outside of you. And so you start to feel wobbly. You start to feel anxiety, you start to want to control and be hypervigilant and you don't feel calm and grounded. Right? So, I wanna offer to you that by the end of this podcast, you know, one of my favorite trees is I have two favorite trees, a Redwood tree, and an Aspen tree. And I live in California. So, you know, redwoods are probably like, you know, the number one favorite tree.
And I love this visual of I'm a Redwood tree. I'm solid. I'm connected to the earth. I'm grounded. And so I want you to also start thinking too, like, what's my favorite tree? And like, how do I, how do I think about that tree? And [00:06:00] like that just that kind of sturdy being connected to the earth is where we're gonna go on this journey. So who am I. You start with the socialized identity of I'm a sales manager, I'm a doctor, right? The external, like connecting to the external world, but that's gonna lead you feeling wobbly when the shit hits the fan at work, or your boss gets mad or you get fired, or, you know, you're, you're relying on the external to, to make you feel grounded.
So that's kind of phase one of, of like where we get to. Now phase two of where I got to last year and where, um, a lot of my students of course have gotten to is regardless of the external world, who are you? And when I answer that question, the answer is I'm a kind loving, compassionate, creative, determined, curious, committed, [00:07:00] Woman ID, you know, very much connected to growth and, you know, so that, that I really shifted to last year.
And that's really a lot of what I teach my students too, is to like separate their identity from work and really start telling themselves every day and feeling and believing those types of values, you know, like whatever that sentence is that really connects you with yourself. So that's phase two phase three and where I've, where I've gotten to this year around who am I is more around my true essence, my true identity.
And. Who I am even a layer lower than the loving, compassionate, creative, determined, [00:08:00] you know, growth minded woman that I am. I'm at you with one of my best girlfriends in Chicago right now. And she's, she's really a growth mindseted woman as well, and, and really spiritual. And you know, when I asked her this question, she said, I'm a Lightworker.
And I was like, huh? She goes, I'm on this planet to bring light to humans, to bring light to rooms, to inspire people. So, you know, think about this idea of like light and wonder and you know, a high vibration, like that's, that's who she is. She's a light worker. I love that answer. So. This question of like, who are you? Who's your true identity? That's unearned, that's unconditional. It can't be revoked and it's infinitely expansive. And it [00:09:00] really anchors you. And it's not threatened by the shit that happens in your life. And I'm working with this coach named Simone Seoul, who I just love and we did an exercise that I wanna share with you that really helped me get to my true essence.
And I'm gonna walk you through that right now. And this will be in the show notes. So you can just always go and go find the show notes, download them and go ask your brain these questions. And actually, what I would encourage you to do is do this exercise with one other person who you feel really safe and connected with and have that person take their time. And, and you close your eyes and slowly listen to the questions and answer them and then have that other human write down your answers. So here's question number one around getting to your essence, your true identity, your unearned unconditional essence, that [00:10:00] cannot be revoked. Question one. Who are you beyond your socialized identities and conditioning?
Who are you beyond what others told you? So when I answer, so my answer for the first question, who are you beyond your socialized identities and conditioning? You know, that for me is, you know, spiritual, loving, compassionate, creative, determined, all those things that I talked about earlier. Okay. Second question.
Who are you beyond? What others told you. And so I really want you to sit with that. When you do this exercise, close your eyes. My answer was a magician. Third question. Who are you outside of your practiced thoughts about who you are? My answer. So practice thoughts could be, you know, I'm a [00:11:00] wife, I'm a exercise junkie, I'm a vegan, you know, these are all thoughts that you have about who you. So when I, when I answered that question of who are you outside of your practice thoughts about who you are? My answer was a woman who knows who's connected to her knowing who's wise as fuck third question or fourth question.
Who are you when you go beyond time and space? I answered a star in the universe and transformational energy. Who are you beyond delusions? I'm a spiritual woman filled with magic gifted by the divine. Who are you when you're free? I'm a Monarch butterfly. Who are you really? [00:12:00] And I'm a magician with a magic wand. Who are you really? And I answered, I'm a healer. And then the person asked again, who are you really? And I answered a unicorn. And then the fourth time they said, who are you really? So they answered that. They asked that four times in a row. And my answer from deep inside of me was all knowing. And so what I want you to then come up with around your essence is like, you know, a noun and a couple of descriptions, a couple of adjectives.
So for me, what I came up with is my essence is my true, pure essence is I'm a [00:13:00] magical glitery unicorn. You know, unicorn is a person or a thing that's really rare and highly valued. And how you'll know that this true essence is really yours, is it is, it is if it feels kind of zingy and great and you feel, and you're like, yes, right, this is, this is me. And if not delete it and come up with something else around your true essence, your true identity, who you are when I, and then I want you to ask yourself when I'm plugged into my true identity, how does it feel in my body? It feels grounding for me. It feels grounding, calm, freeing, peaceful, knowing. And believing.[00:14:00] So this is a really beautiful exercise for you to start building this deep relationship with yourself that has nothing to do with work. This is step one on starting to build that balance between work and life and starting to really be open to believing that you can have a magical, big fucking amazing life.
So let's talk about that magical, beautiful life that you love. I have this brilliant student and we were coaching a couple weeks ago and she said, Sarah, I've come up with, um, I've come up with the name for this life that I have, that I love and it's called Operation Live the Dream. And I just love that. And it's really about, she is living actively her dream life. She's [00:15:00] visualized it and she's creating it every single day. And I love this visualization of, you know, so many of us are like a goldfish swimming around in a little fish bowl. And we're, you know, living the same beliefs, having the same feelings, wanting to change our life, can't change our life.
Wanna be different, can't be different. And what I'm gonna offer to to you today is like, I want you to visualize yourself, getting out of the fishbowl, getting into the sea and building your own operation, like live the dream. I'm living the dream. And so we're really gonna at practice. You cultivating desire, that feeling of desire honoring your deep, deep desires, honoring all your desires, that desire to buy that dress in that store, all of your desires, honor them all and really visualize honoring your desires.
And, you know, we all have a desire to [00:16:00] continuously create. And live a life that we love, but so much of our brain's bullshit, limiting beliefs and thoughts kind of keep us stuck in that fishbowl. And so here's a question for you if you didn't have to get life, right? So many of us are perfectionist or I've broken up with perfectionist, but so many of my students are perfectionist.
So if you didn't have to get life, right, what would you do? You know, most of us just follow the plan, laid out by society. But if you didn't follow that plan laid out by society. And if you didn't have to get it all right, you will free up 50% of your energy to do and try new things. So just sit with that.
If you didn't have to get life, right. What would you do if you didn't feel like you had to follow the plan laid out by society? What would you do? And remember. In the world of [00:17:00] thought work. There's no such thing as right or wrong. There really isn't judging thoughts, judging beliefs, like drop that. Okay. Just keep everything really neutral. And remember, you may have a belief, but you may be wrong about that belief. Okay, but it, and if you're wrong and don't judge your beliefs, you're going to expand. You're gonna be more open. You're gonna be willing to try new things.
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