Ep 114: Why You Want to Believe Praise

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:

  • When you feel in your body that the authentic praise you receive is true, it supports you in easily honoring and going after what you crave and desire in your life.
  • Feeling consistent levels of anxiety, overwhelm and stress are a few costs when your brain comes up with reasons to resist and not believe praise.
  • A question to ask yourself when you notice thinking “oh that’s not really true” or something along those lines when someone gives you praise that feels like it's real. You’ll know it's real by how it feels in your body. 

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Truly believing the authentic praise you receive from others is a skill. And why am I a proponent of this skill? 

Because when you can feel in your body that the praise you receive is truly who you are, you can start to align and show up in your life as who you authentically are. When you believe the praise, you have another tool to help you drop self judgment and criticism about yourself. 

This is a skill to build ONLY in addition with YOU deciding what you want to believe about yourself. That you’re smart, kind, amazing, all the things.  

When you show up in your life feeling in your body solid beliefs about who you are, it will be easier to honor what you crave and desire for your life and make them a reality. 

Whether it's being in a romantic relationship, making more money, traveling to that exotic place you’ve been dying to explore, leaving corporate America to become an entrepreneur, work/life balance, you name it.


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Download Full Episode Transcript

Welcome to Rock Your Brain. Rock Your Life. The only podcast hosted by a high achieving tech, entrepreneur and certified coach that teaches you how to use proven cognitive tools to rewire your brain and break through the second pandemic. Burnout if you lead a company or badass team and need a proven, evidence based cognitive course to retain and develop them, this podcast is for you.

Sarah helps humans break through burnout, have insane work life balance, and feel magical at work and in their lives. Again, here's your host, certified coach and tech industry entrepreneur, Sarah Moody.

Hey, Rockstars. How are y'all doing this week? I'm excited to talk to you this week about why you want to believe the praise that you receive. So first of all, I'm so excited. I'm getting on a plane at 11:15 tonight on an international flight to St. Barts, which is in the French, I don't know, French Virgin Islands, somewhere down there.

I booked it in July. I've wanted to go to this island, for about 20 years, and my brain has had so many excuses as to why I don't deserve to go there. And so in July, just a few months ago, you know, as I've done a lot of belief work in terms of honoring my cravings and my desires and believing in myself, I booked it and one of my girlfriends is coming with me, and I'm so excited.

I grew up in Jamaica, so I love the islands. I moved to the US when I was 13, so I have a very special place in my heart when it comes to islands, and what I have been doing a lot of this year is really asking myself this question, and I want you to always think about this. What do you crave? What do you desire?

If you really listen to your heart and soul, what are those answers to: what do you crave and what do you desire? Whether it's at work, whether it's taking a trip to St. Barts like you name it. Get quiet. Ask your heart and soul those questions. Mine earlier in the summer said, Let's book a flight, girl. So here we are.

Desires are medicine for your soul. They heal your soul. You're honoring yourself. You're honoring what you crave. You're honoring your authentic self. That's what I love about paying attention to my desires. So I cannot wait to report back on how my trip was and how it helped heal my soul in so many ways.

So a lot of what we experience in our society, which is why we don't believe praise, is our subconscious. Most of us in our subconscious, we've got these beliefs that have come from our culture, our society, especially for those of us who live in the US that we need to always be doing. Do more.

If you have not listened to my Productivity Paradox podcast, episode 27, I highly recommend you start there because it's the idea that we as humans always need to be doing more, especially with less, and it's one of the reasons why so many of us are feeling burnt out and when we feel burnt out, guess what?

We're less productive. But our society has this obsession with productivity and doing more, do more, do more, do more. I'm not okay if I'm not doing more. So definitely check out that podcast. And so when you believe in your subconscious, and you may not actually. Think in your brain that you always need to be doing more, but I'm gonna probably offer to you that a lot of you in your subconscious, like if you just like dropped into your gut and into your body and you quieted your mind, you would find that you're probably on a productivity hamster wheel.

And what happens when you're on this productivity hamster wheel is it tells. Your brain, your, your soul, your body. I'm not okay. I always need to be doing more and I always need to be, you know, I need to work hard and deliver an amazing deck for that board meeting tomorrow. Of course you need to do that, but when you come from a place of I'm not okay and I need to prove myself.

That anxiety is not gonna help you deliver an amazing deck for the board meeting tomorrow. You know, society also tells us, I mean, I used to believe this, that I needed to be productive 24/7/365. There's no time for rest. So if you're finding yourself like, I gotta be super productive on the weekends, I gotta wake up in the morning and exercise and then go do this, and then go do that, and then go see my friends, and then go to dinner, and then, you know, squeeze in X hours of sleep at night, that's your subconscious telling you that you're not okay, and you need to be doing more and more and more.

Maybe you find yourself thinking, I need to be a better friend. I need to be a better partner. I need to just heal and be a better human. All of those ways of thinking. That are probably in your subconscious are telling you that you're not okay. I need to be doing more. I need to be growing faster. I need to be making more money.

I need to be a better partner. I need to be a better person to my dog. Please do not underestimate the messages that you are telling yourself that you're not enough and you're not okay, and you need to do more to be okay. So from this place of I need to do more, and believing that you're not okay, what happens is, your subconscious is believing, you know, I gotta do more to be loved, be approved, fit in at work, fit in with my colleagues, fit in with my friends. And so what happens is when someone gives you praise, which is, and this is the definition from Google, the expression of approval or admiration for someone or something.

So let me give you some examples. I remember a few years ago Hewlett Packard was my client for about 10 years, and I wrapped up, running one of their executive advisory boards that I'd run for many years, and the general manager had this Waterford crystal paper weight made for me that I ran the most amazing advisory board programs in the tech industry.

And I remember when she praised me and gave it to me, I couldn't receive the praise. I kept thinking about, well, this person did this. You know, like this person helped with all of the content. I had this other person who helped me do, you know, pull in all the speakers, and so I kept giving away the praise.

I couldn't receive it because I was living from a place of like, I need to keep doing more and more and more and more and more. I'm not okay. It's not enough what I'm doing. It was so easy just to push it away, not let it into my body, into my mind, into my being. And when you stay in that place of not letting that praise in, whether it's from a client or whether it's from your romantic partner, or whether it's from your kid, or it's from your best friend; when you don't let it in

you end up feeling kind of shitty. You end up in this place of cognitive dissonance, which is the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes. Like, you know, you believe that you're not doing enough and you're not okay, even if it's in your subconscious and you're not really conscious of it.

And so when someone gives you praise. That doesn't make any sense because you have a belief that you need to be doing more and you know, the praise belongs to Susie Q and, and I really need to keep proving myself. So cognitive dissonance is you not being able to kind of take in that praise. There's inconsistent thought.

Someone is telling you you're f-ing amazing at something and you're having a belief about yourself that Is not that. And so when you don't let the praise in, you stay in judgment, criticism, pushing yourself to do more and prove which all ends up leaving you in a place of anxiety, overwhelm, stress. And what happens when you feel anxious, overwhelmed, and stressed?

Cortisol is running through your brain. and your body, you are not able to focus. Let me guess. You're probably on social media. You're probably cleaning your house, walking your dog. Snapchatting. Doing anything other than getting to that place of being open to letting some praise in. 

And so what happens when you slow down and are open to taking the praise in? Can you be open to believing what that client told you about how amazing you were when you delivered on that engagement? Are you open to believing 

that

when your romantic partner says, You're so incredible and like thank you for being the amazing human that you are, are you open to believing that it's all true?

That these humans are not lying to you? They're not blowing smoke. They're really authentic. They're authentically seeing you for who you are. Seeing you and praising you. For being the person you are. So how does it feel when you let that praise in? How does it feel when you drop the resistance? Because when you don't let the praise in, like when I didn't let that praise in from my client, that voice, that was the resistance is more often than not my stepmother's voice criticizing me. And I like, we adopt voices, critical voices from society, from our parents who were all doing the best that they can, but whose voice do you need to de throne? Who voice is the criticism that comes up that won't let that praise seep into your being.

That praise is not a lie. That praise is legit. That praise is honest. Honest. TRUTH. Truth. All capital letters. So ask yourself, whose voice is the resistance? Close your eyes. Drop in. Ask yourself that question because when you drop the resistance and let the praise in, magic happens.

 This is the work I do with my clients and the work I've done on myself as a practitioner of these tools. Here's what happens when you let the praise in. Magic, number one, you start feeling more ease, peace, contentment in your day to day. And you start seeing yourself as who you actually are.

There was no reason for my client to lie to me about how I excelled with that client and how I crushed running their advisory board meetings for, I don't know, seven years. There's no reason for her to lie to me. So you start seeing yourself as who you truly are versus when you're living in a world of I gotta do more, I gotta deliver more, better, I gotta, you know, keep proving myself.

You stay small because you're stressed, right? You're anxious, you're overwhelmed. That's gonna keep you small, and so it's so much easier to honor what you crave and your desires and feeling alive. And feeling like home in your body when you honor your desires and you honor your cravings. And it's so much easier to do that when you can let that praise seep into your cells.

So it's gonna be so much easier for you to honor taking that trip that you've been dying to take for years like I am tonight. Or deciding to leave corporate America like I did 20 years ago and become an entrepreneur. Or do the work to change your mindset and bring an amazing romantic relationship into your life.

It's so much easier to do all of this when you start seeing yourself as who you really are.

Seeing that praise as truth is the start to your journey. And so it's a lot easier for you to trust that you can make what you crave and desire a reality when you start letting that praise in and feeling that that is who I am today. There is no reason for this human to lie to me. And when I notice the resistance, I get curious about the resistance.

Whose voice is that? Whose voice do I need you to dethrone So that I can honor feeling like home in my body and honoring what I crave and what I desire in my life.

Here's what I'm gonna offer for you to practice this week around how to really let that praise in and let it steep into every cell in your being. I want you to feel in your body that that praise is who you are. I don't want you to think about it. I want you to drop into your body. So I want you to notice, I'm gonna offer to you this week.

Notice one interaction where you receive praise. And just notice it. And how do you feel when you hear that praise? You feel the resistance, Like there's no way, you know, Do you feel yourself pushing it away, or do you feel yourself being like, Huh, yeah, like this does kind of feel like me. I am open to believing that it's true.

And when you're open to believing that that praise is true, how do you feel in your body? Close your eyes drop into your body. How do you feel? I'm noticing that I'm letting all the praise in. All of it. And I'm feeling when I let it all in and when my clients let it all in, there's just a calm. There's an acceptance of who we are.

There's a shift in your being. You will notice a shift in your being to I'm doing enough. I don't need to be on that productivity hamster wheel. Cuz as you'll learn, if you listen to the Productivity Paradox podcast episode its a paradox. When you think you need to be doing, doing, doing, being, being, being.

More, more, more, more, more. You end up being less productive because your brains need rest. Your brains need to relax. You need to play, right? And so if your body and, and brain and soul need rest, relaxation, and play in order to be most effective and alive in your life

take the time to start being open to believing the praise that's coming your way at work, from your friends, from your kid, from your romantic partner, from your clients, from your colleagues. Just start letting it in. And dethroning whose voice you needed to dethrone. That's keeping that praise from coming into who you are and helping you feel in your body the most congruent and alive version of yourself.

Okay, rock stars. Have a beautiful week and I will talk to you next week. Bye.

If you're loving what you're learning in the podcast, you have to come and check out the Rockstar Program. It's my coaching program where we take these neuroscience based cognitive tools and we use them daily to break through burnout so you can fall passionately in love with your life and your career again.

So join me over at SarahMoody.com/rockstarprogram I would love to have you join me. You can also follow me @sarahmoody on LinkedIn, Twitter, and Instagram. I can't wait to see you.

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